The Things You Love Most
by Kaye Swan
Summary: Castle and Beckett spend the night after she came to him, telling him she almost died, and all where she could thing of was him. But, was that a smart idea? Does Beckett has second thoughts? Will she end up loving Castle the way she says she does? Is she going back to be a detective? Or will she end up alone, building up her wall again?
1. Chapter 1

**The Things You Love Most**

It's 4 am and Kate is sitting at the edge of Castle's bed. She was lost in her thoughts, not knowing what to do. Last night was great, but she didn't know if it was a mistake or not. Was this a good idea?

Castle was moaning and she awakened from her thoughts. "What are you doing?"

Kate couldn't look at him. She couldn't face him. "Nothing," she said quickly.

"Come on Kate, I've known you better. I know when there's something bothering you."

"It's nothing." She still couldn't face him. Scared of his reaction. Scared of her own.

"Then look at me if nothing's bothering you."

Slowly she turned around. A tear rolled down her face. "I'm sorry Castle."

He was amazed by her reaction. After four years she finally opened her eyes. But now, she closed them again.  
"You came to me… Do you regret it?"

"I don't know, maybe."

The pain on Castle's face was unbearable for Kate. She loved him, but something told her she couldn't be with him. Her heart told her yes, and her mind told her no. She didn't know what to do.

Last night she came to him, telling him she almost died, and the one person on her mind was Castle. She almost died, but she held on. She didn't let go. She told him she wanted him, and now she got him, she was letting him go already. Again. Was this supposed to happen?  
"You came to me last night. You almost died. We had sex. Doesn't that mean something?"

Kate looked at him. She bend forward and kissed him. "I love you."

When she pulled away she looked scared.  
"If you love me, then why are you questioning us?"

"Honestly, I don't know. My heart loves you, but my head doesn't. I don't know which feeling or thought to follow."

"If you don't know, then why did you came to me?"

"You know, asking me the same questions won't help. I just don't know the answer."

She still sat on his bed. She couldn't move. It was like she was nailed to the ground.

Loving someone this much and not knowing what to do was killing her.

She started to cry. Castle was right, this meant something.


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, thanks for being such good readers! And second, I wanted to give you my Twitter url, so you can keep up to date about new chapters. Like when they will be posted. It is my personal account, so feel free to mention me whenever you have a question, or want to know something about the story! Hope to see you there!**

** /ieatyourheadoff**

* * *

Castle got out of bed and took Kate into his arms. She buried her head in his shoulders. He let her cry for a moment, until she pulled herself back. "I'm sorry," she was wiping away her tears. "It's okay, I know it's scary now that wall is down. I can imagine you have second thoughts. I only wish you hadn't."

"I know, I just don't know what to do." She stood up and got dressed. "I need to think about it. About us." She could see Castle wasn't happy with what she just said. "If you need to…"

"I do." She walked out of his bedroom.

"Wait, will I see you again?"

"I don't know." After that he heard a door close, he knew she was gone. "What just happened?" he whispered to himself. Disappointed. Slowly he got up and dressed himself. He walked into the kitchen and saw Martha sitting at the bar drinking her coffee. They looked at each other, but neither of them spoke. Not one word. Martha could see he was hurt. She heard Kate saying 'I don't know,' and she knew where it was about. She decided to talk to her son anyway. "What was that about?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he replied.

"Does she think she made a mistake?" Martha stepped on his toes when she said that. "Yes," he replied, angry. "She came to me last night, telling me she almost died, and the only thing she could think of was me. She was soaking wet when she came here. She even told me she was sorry. And now she has second thoughts." He sighed. "When I asked her if I would see her again, she said she didn't know. I can't face her right now. And I also don't even know if I still work at the precinct. I know she wants to go back, but I also think she would tell Gates now to let me work there anymore. And Gates would be too happy to hear that."

Martha looked at her son. She never saw him this hurt. Kate did something to him, and every time they came closer together, she broke his heart. She could see it in his eyes. He even started to tear up, but wiped them away quickly when he heard Alexis come in.  
"Are you okay?" She looked worried.

"I'm fine, just got something in my eye."

Alexis was old and smart enough to know her father was lying. "You know you can tell me the truth?" And yes, he knew that, but he didn't want Alexis to know. He thought she was too young for this kind of things. "I know, but this is something I have to do on my own." Alexis nodded, agreeing with what her father just said. "It's Kate isn't it?" Castle nodded.

"Good luck then, I'm going shopping with some friends. School will start soon and I need some new, grown up clothes."

Castle laughed. "Here's some money. Have fun."

He gave his daughter a kiss on her forehead. "Thanks dad," she said and closed the door behind her.

Castle walked to the bathroom and washed himself. Martha didn't say anything because she knew where her son was up to. When he finished, he grabbed his keys, put on some shoes, and said goodbye to his mother, then walked out.

He got in his car and drove down to the precinct. He walked through the garage and saw Kate's car. He knew she was here to get her job back, and now he had to face her, again. He walked to the elevator and pressed the button. When he was up, he walked to Gates office, but then he saw Kate sitting at her desk. He froze for a moment. Ryan and Esposito saw him coming their way. They nodded at Kate, telling her she need to look behind her. When she saw Castle she froze too. They only exchanged a look. They didn't say something. He carried on and said 'hi' to Ryan and Esposito. When he passed Kate's desk, he didn't even look at her, and she didn't look at him.

He knocked on the door when he was standing in front of Gates office.

She looked up from her work and nodded to give him permission to come in. "What do you want Castle?" she asked. She didn't like him, but she couldn't fire him as well. The mayor hired him, so it was his call.

"I wanted to let you know I still want to work for NYPD."

"I know. Kate told me after she asked me for her job back."

"What did she tell you?" He looked worried.

"Nothing much. She still wants you to be part of the team. She also said…" she paused.

Castle got real scared now. What did Kate told Gates? Did she told her we are in a fight? Does she still want me as her partner, or not? He sat down on a chair at the other end of Gates desk. "…She also told me she doesn't want to work with you anymore." Gates looked up to Castle. "I'm sorry," she added.

"Did she tell you why?"

"No, and it's none of my business either."

"So what happens next? Am I fired?"

"No, you're working with Ryan and Esposito now."

"But they work with Kate."  
"Yes, but not directly. When one of them works with Kate, the other one works with you."  
"So it is directly?" He looked at her. "Yes."


	3. Chapter 3

Castle walked out of Gates' office, he noticed Kate was staring at him. When he looked at her, she looked away.

She rested her eyes on her work while Castle looked at her.

"Castle!" He looked behind him and saw Ryan walking towards him.  
"Welcome back!" Ryan shook Castle's hand. "Thanks, it's good to be back!"

Castle had an awkward look on his face. He looked from Ryan to Kate and back. Ryan noticed it. "I heard she doesn't want to talk with you anymore? What happened?"

They both stood there, quietly. "Nothing," Castle said when the silence became even more awkward, then Esposito walked in. He looked at Kate first and then at Castle. He decided to keep his mouth shut. "We have a case!" he said. "What do you got?" Castle was all excited. It was his first day back and he needed some distraction. Kate wouldn't talk to him. She looked at him, but nothing else happened. He wanted to talk to her. He was dying to talk to her, but it was her move now. She had to come to him, not the other way around.  
"A 10 year old girl was murdered." Esposito sounded calm but fierce. It was always hard for the team to investigate a murder where a child was involved. The age didn't matter.  
"Where was she found?" Castle asked.  
"In the first place it looked like she fell in a lake and drowned. But we found something that couldn't be from the girl."  
Castle had a weird look on his face.

"What did you find?" He looked from Esposito to Ryan and then back.  
"A shoe print." It's a lake, many people come there. Maybe it was from the person who killed the girl, or it was just a footprint.

"It's a public place, many people could've left a print."  
"Yes, it could, but we also found something that appears to be the murder weapon." Castle looked frightened. He even didn't notice Kate joining them. She was still mad at Castle, but now it looked like two people doing their job. It looked like she wanted to take over. But luckily for Castle it was Esposito's case. Kate could be involved but the decisions weren't hers to make. Castle was used being around her. Every morning he brought her coffee to see a smile on her face. This morning was different, she didn't look like herself. She asked Gates to separate her from Castle, and for the first time, in four years, he didn't brought her coffee. He didn't see a smile on her face. All he saw was sadness, no hate or revenge, but sadness. He didn't know why, but he was sure he would find out.  
"We can't solve a case by standing here, so let's go." It wasn't Ryan or Esposito who said that, but it was Kate.  
"You are right, but you're not going with them." They all looked at Gates who was in the door opening of her office. Kate looked lost.  
"Why not?" She couldn't believe Gates just said that.  
"You're a great detective, but I want you on desk duty." She crossed her arms, waiting for Kate to argue about that.  
"If I'm a good detective, then why keep me inside?"

"Because I want to make sure you're alright first."  
"But I am."  
"No, you're not. You came in here begging me to separate you from Castle. When I said 'no' in the first place, you knocked of a lamp from my desk. I don't want you in the field." Kate knew she wouldn't win this fight so she agreed.  
It was news for Castle too. Kate, who got angry over him. She was so mad at herself.  
"Let's go," Esposito said. Castle and Ryan followed him to the lake.  
He was shocked when he saw the little bag. The body bag with the little girl in it.  
Police, who were investigating looked up when they saw three men. "Any leads?" Esposito took the lead and looked around the area. "Nobody has seen anything?"

"No, we asked people but they all say they haven't seen anything."  
"What did you find on the girl?" The officer swallowed. "She's full of burns."  
Castle heard what they were saying. "I'm sorry, did you say burns?" The officer nodded.

"Where are those burns from?"  
"It seems to be a cigarette."  
"So, she's abused?"  
"Looks like it, she got some bruises too."  
"Is she…" Castle didn't want to say it. "…Is she raped?" he continued.  
"No, she's not."  
Castle sighed. He was relieved.  
"Autopsy need to tell us more, from the way it looks now, she drowned, but she could be pushed as well. And I so hope that's not the case, aside from the cigarette burns. She didn't deserve this," the officer said. He looked at Castle, who was more touched then Ryan and Esposito.  
"They all don't deserve it."


End file.
